A Survival Guide for the Domestically Challenged: Oh Lenny Haffapig, Your Head Has Left You!

....And it is NOT in my belly. And I did NOT do what I promised to do. And I will get up and stand in front of you all to proclaim that BONNIE MUIRHEAD IS A LIGHTWEIGHT! Yes, friends and foes, it is true. I just couldn't do it.

I kept walking over to our back fridge to have a look at ol' Lenny's noggin but I'd do that funny little sideswiping step like we all do when we're gearing ourselves up to doing something and then chicken out last minute. Like, as if someone were watching me complete my task and I decide to use a diversion. Hey! This laundry needs to be folded like, rightthissecond gotta go! Zip and I'm out of there! No one really was watching me, of course, except maybe good ol' Lenny. Our eyes never did make contact.

I know this sounds pathetic, but I just couldn't do it. I don't like seeing dead faces. And yes I know, I knoooooooow dead animals are a fact of life and we eat them and everything dead was once living and there is a dead face in my fridge to prove it, I totally get all that. In my head it totally makes sense. But my heart and tummy just couldn't cope. And tummy usually wins.

I was having nightmares about pig faces. My worst nightmare was actually about pig faces. You're going to think I'm making this up, but this is a true dream and one of the worst and most vivid nightmares I have ever had. I guess I should preface this by explaining I had this dream when I was taking Larium, which is an anti-Malaria drug. Or a Malaria-preventative, if you will. Not that I even needed it, apparently, because there are no cases of Malaria in Cape Town. But my doctor thought to invoke the "just in case" clause. So I'm taking these pills every day and I start to notice I'm having like the weirdest dreams. Now, I have never truly dabbled in much drug use, therefore I cannot say for certain, but I feel that if I were on mushrooms or dropping acid, this dream would have made so much more sense.

It's not even really a dream, just imagery, where I'm running through this dark warehouse-like place and I don't know why I'm running but as I run I'm bumping into things and realize these things are actually pig carcasses hanging up and they are everywhere. Like all over this room. And there is blood everywhere and then I realize I'm being chased by people wearing pig faces as masks (like real dead pig faces) and they are shooting at me.

And that's the dream. Nightmare. Thing.

Like Lord of the Flies gone like really really crazy.

So one day after I have this nightmare I'm talking to some other exchange student and Larium comes up and she looks at me quite seriously and says, "so have you had the dreams yet?" And I'm like....YES! Apparently this shit causes mad hallucination-like dreams. I dumped the rest of it down the toilet and flushed. Hell, I'd rather deal with Malaria then have night terrors again! Good god!

So I hope you can understand the level of terror I felt when I was researching how to get at those pig cheeks and find a picture of a flattened out pig's face because you have to take the face off to get to the meat - duh.

I'll say it again, I just couldn't do it.

So I gave the head to a Maori friend of mine because apparently Maori get very excited for pig heads and love to make something similar to head cheese.

Part of Lenny has gone to a good home. He will be enjoyed elsewhere. And my palms can finally stop sweating now.

I'm sorry for being weak. But that's just me. Maybe next time.